


I lost part of me when I lost all of you

by justhockey



Series: Sing To Me Instead [4]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, But He’s A Good Friend, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Jamie Misses Tyler Too, M/M, Mutual Pining, Tyler Misses Jamie, he’s sad, this is angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:08:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhockey/pseuds/justhockey
Summary: When Tyler sees the picture of Zach Hyman and William Nylander kissing, he feelsa lotof things.





	I lost part of me when I lost all of you

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Better_ by Ben Platt.

It’s 10:47am when Tyler gets a text from Brownie telling him to check Twitter, and like, _really?_ Could he have been any _less_ specific? Tyler doesn’t even bother to reply to the text, just rolls his eyes even though no one is around to see it, then opens the app. He expects to have to scroll for a while until he figures out what the fuck Brownie is talking about, but. Basically every single post on his feed is the exact same thing. 

When Tyler sees the picture of Zach Hyman and William Nylander kissing, he feels _a lot_ of things. 

Anger, first and foremost. Because how fucking _dare_ anyone invade their privacy like that. Being a public figure doesn’t mean every aspect of their lives has to be available for public consumption. Whoever had taken the picture, whoever had leaked it, they deserve to be sued for every penny that they have. And every fucker who is sharing it and retweeting it as well, as if it’s okay because the image is already out there. 

Then he feels guilt, because he knows that the Leafs are probably still in the air on their way to Dallas. He feels like he shouldn’t be seeing it at all, but _especially_ not before Zach and Willy know it’s even out there. It’s not fair. None of it is fucking fair. 

But then there’s a part of him that feels hopeful. And he _knows_ that’s kind of shitty, okay. He’s not heartless, or anything. But. The comments that he reads underneath the picture - because who can _resist_ reading them - aren’t actually that bad. Like sure, there are some shitty ones from shitty, small minded people. But for the most part, they’re okay. At the least, people just aren’t bothered, and at the _most_ , well. Zach and Willy have a lot of people in their corner. 

That makes something stir in Tyler, knowing that fans are supporting two male hockey players who are in a relationship with each other. It makes him think that maybe, _maybe_ things would be okay for him too. 

*

Tyler’s known he was gay since way before the draft. Like, up until that point it wasn’t really a big deal that he was. He wasn’t out to like, everyone, but enough people knew and they were all okay with it. Tyler was okay with it. And then he found himself in Boston, and further in the closet than he had been since before his lab partner had held his hand in ninth grade.

Boston was. Well. It was Boston. And the way the Bruins are on the ice is basically the same as they are off it. Brutal. He wasn’t actively trying to _hide_ that he was gay at first, but after one too many slurs were thrown around casually in the locker room, locking himself back in the closet was a priority. 

So he drank _way_ too much, and made a habit of being seen with lots of women. He didn’t _do anything_ with most of them, and the ones that he did. Well. He’d scrubbed his skin raw under the scalding shower more times than he can count, trying to get rid of the dirty feeling, the feeling that he was betraying himself. 

He just didn’t know how to deal with it. The pressure of all the expectations placed on his shoulders, and having to hide who he was, and the constant, sickening fear that one day he’d wake up and some guy he’d made out with in high school would be on SportsNet telling everyone that Tyler was gay. It was just so exhausting that drinking was the only way he could make it through. He’d already lost his identity, he didn’t want to lose his fucking _mind_ as well. 

And then the trade. 

It felt like somehow the worst _and_ the best thing that could have happened to him. He knew that if he’d stayed there much longer then Boston would have completely broken him, but he also knew that Texas wasn’t exactly known for being tolerant. Plus, their team kind of sucked, if he was honest. And even when everything was bad in his personal life, at least in Boston he had a talented hockey team to play with. He was scared that the move would leave him equally as isolated, but without good hockey as a comfort blanket. 

Then Jamie Fucking Benn happened. 

Tyler was basically gone for Jamie the second he met him. His hair was fucking _awful_ and his fashion sense wasn’t much better, but his eyes were soft and sincere when he shook Tyler’s hand and promised him they would prove everyone wrong. And they _did_ , is the thing. They started playing really fucking good hockey. And honestly, if Tyler had wanted Jamie _then_ , he had _no_ fucking chance when Jamie came back after the summer with a haircut that worked wonders, and clothes that were actually tailored to him. Like, what was Tyler _supposed_ to do? _Not_ wanna bang his captain? _As if._

And somehow, _miraculously_ , Jamie wanted him back. It had taken years of Tyler awkwardly pining and not expecting anything to come of it, but it actually happened. Like, okay. Tyler loves to make up scenarios in his head of things he knows are never gonna happen, and Jamie wanting him back had always been one of those scenarios. Then one night, in a hotel room in Denver after a win over the Avs, Jamie kissed him. _He_ kissed Tyler, and Tyler felt like he was fucking _home_. 

That was the start of them. It was fucking good, too. They argued like crazy, but they loved each other more, and they always promised not to take their work into the bedroom. The second they crossed the threshold hockey wasn’t allowed to be discussed, which meant they never argued in their room, it was just a place where they could _be_. 

The team had fucking called it. Like, they literally had a notebook with everyone’s bets on when they would get together. Jamie was _furious_ when Jordie won it. But really, they were both just relieved that the guys loved and accepted them. Tyler’s allowed to be soft sometimes okay, _shut up_. 

*

Looking at the smiles on Zach and Willy’s faces in the picture kind of makes him feel sick. Remembering what he _had_ with Jamie? That makes his fucking bones ache. 

In hindsight, Tyler should have known it wouldn’t last, because he has a habit of ruining every good thing in his life. When Jamie had ended it he’d promised Tyler that it wasn’t his fault, and like, Jamie had never lied to him before, so he’d said ‘okay’ and let Jamie walk out the door. But. He knew that it was, because it must have been. Sure, Jamie said it was because keeping it hidden was getting too hard and coming out wasn’t an option, but Tyler knew it was on him. 

And like, he thought he’d been doing okay. Jamie had ended it right before the season started - a few weeks short of their two year anniversary - so it had been seven months since he’d last had Jamie in his arms outside of a celly. And sometimes Jamie gave him this _look_ that made Tyler think _maybe_ , but he never actually said anything to him. And yeah, that was pretty fucking awful, and if he thought about it too much then his chest got tight and he got pins and needles in his fingers, but he was handling it. He _was_. 

But the fucking picture. Jesus. He knows that thinking about himself when two perfectly nice people who absolutely _don’t_ deserve this have just been outed makes him kind of selfish, okay. He knows. But all he can think about is how familiar the look they’re wearing in the picture is. How he and Jamie spent almost two years looking at each other like that, in their bedrooms and hotel rooms and stolen moments wherever they could get them. 

He really fucking misses Jamie. He’s tried not to. He’s tried to get over him, to move on, then when neither of those worked, he’s tried just accepting that he’ll always love Jamie but he’ll never get him back. And the last one had been working well, like, it honestly had. They’d managed to stay best friends - though a little more distant than before their relationship started - and it hadn’t fucked with their hockey or with their team. So it was fine. 

Now Tyler can’t help but think, though. Zach and Willy are out now. And yeah, it’s without their consent and it’s fucking awful, and Tyler’s more than willing to recommend them a really good lawyer - hell, he’ll even _pay_ for it - but still. Two NHL athletes are out, and they’re on the same team, and they’re dating each other. And people aren’t being _terrible_. 

He and Jamie could have that. Sure, Jamie thought coming out wasn’t an option, and at the start of the season Tyler would have agreed. But now they wouldn’t have to be the first. No one is calling for Zach and Willy to be traded (aside from a very small minority of complete idiots) and the world isn’t ending (though Zach and Willy might feel like it is for a while). 

Tyler could actually have this. He could have this with _Jamie._

He checks the time, and figures the Leafs must have just landed at DFW. He picks up his phone from where he’d discarded it beside him, and pulls open instagram. He doesn’t have either of their numbers or snapchats, but he figures he can DM them, just a few words of support maybe, or encouragement. Except, when he starts to type the message he doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know if there’s anything he _can_ say to help, really. Plus he doubts they’re going to be checking their DMs any time soon anyway. So he locks his phone. It’s better to do it in person. 

*

Tyler takes his own advice. He’d wanted to message Jamie, maybe ask if he’d seen the pictures and what he thought of them, if it changes anything between him and Tyler. But, like he’d already decided, it’s better to do that kind of thing in person. 

Which is why Tyler finds himself knocking on Jamie’s door an hour before they’re supposed to be at their afternoon practice. Listen, he _knows_ it’s a bad idea. For like, at least seventeen different reasons, mainly that first and foremost Jamie is his captain, and he’s probably gonna yell at Tyler for not being at home and getting ready. Second, because if this goes bad, then practice and the game tomorrow are gonna be interesting. 

But whatever, it’s too late to back out now. He can already hear Jamie’s footsteps and, after a quick glance behind him, Tyler decides he can’t get in his jeep and get it started in time to escape without Jamie knowing it was him at the door. Not that he was actually considering doing that. _Obviously._

Tyler’s breath kind of catches in his throat when Jamie opens the door, and anything he’d planned on saying completely escapes him. He’s not so obsessed with Jamie that the mere sight of him sends Tyler crazy (he is, he _really_ is) but Jamie is standing there in just sweats, without a t-shirt, and _fuck_ Tyler misses him. 

“Segs? What are you doing here?” Jamie asks, frowning in confusion. 

“Can I come in?” Tyler asks, scratching nervously at the back of his head. 

And honestly, fuck Jamie for being the _only_ person with the ability to make Tyler nervous. Seriously. _Fuck him._

“Uh, sure?”

Jamie steps back to let Tyler in but he still looks confused. Which, yeah. Tyler is on his door step an hour before practice and he looks nervous as shit. So he probably has a right to look confused. 

“Have you seen?” Tyler asks, no beating around the bush. 

“Seen what?” Jamie asks. 

He’s leaning against the doorframe, watching as Tyler walks around his living room, looking at all the pictures as if he hadn’t been there just last night. 

“The pictures,” Tyler says, “of Zach Hyman and Willy Nylander. From the Leafs.”

Jamie rolls his eyes, “I know who they are, and yeah, I saw.”

Jamie clears his throat and pointedly avoids looking at Tyler. And like, Tyler is man enough to admit he hopes Jamie can’t look at him because he too thinks about everything they used to have. 

“What. What do you think about it?” Tyler asks. 

Jamie shrugs, “It’s pretty fucking awful, I mean, that someone’s done that to them, invaded their privacy like that.”

Tyler nods, “Yeah, they should sue.”

“Yeah,” Jamie agrees. 

They fall into an awkward silence that’s beyond unusual for them, even now. It’s as if Jamie knows what Tyler wants to say, or at least what he’s thinking. Which, Tyler thinks, he’d always had an uncanny habit of being able to tell what was bothering Tyler before he even opened his mouth. So. He’s clearly not prepared to have that conversation. Tyler doesn’t really care. 

“It could change things,” Tyler says, “for us.”

Jamie sighs. He straightens up from where he was leaning against the door frame and runs a hand through his hair. There’s no gel in it yet, so it’s soft and fluffy, and Tyler just wants to run his hands through it like he always used to. 

“Segs, don’t,” Jamie says. 

“Why not? It could. They’re out now, we wouldn’t be the first.”

“It’s not _about_ being the first,” Jamie tells him. “It’s about the fact that no one will give a fuck about how good we are, they’ll just care that we’re fucking.”

Tyler shakes his head, “No, did you read any of the comments?”

Jamie barks out a sarcastic laugh, “No thanks, I don’t need to hear about how gay players aren’t welcome in the NHL, Segs.”

“No! People were being really good about it. Like, obviously there were some idiots, but most people just don’t mind,” Tyler says, fumbling on his phone to try and pull up some of the positive comments he’d found.

“Stop,” Jamie says, “They’re from fucking Toronto, Tyler. This is _Texas_. Even if things work out for them, it’s not the same for us. Not here.”

Tyler can feel himself getting, _something_. He’s not really sure. He can’t tell whether he wants to cry or yell at Jamie. If he’s hurting or if he’s angry. It’s probably both, really. 

“It could be. And like, I’m not even saying we have to come out, there’s just less fear of getting caught now,” Tyler tries to explain but Jamie keeps shaking his head. 

“Tyler, stop it.” Jamie is pinching the bridge of his nose like he does when he’s trying not to lose his temper. 

And Tyler knows he should listen, that he should stop pushing, but god. He _loves_ Jamie, and he misses him, and if there’s any chance of getting back what they’d lost, then Tyler was absolutely going to fight for him. 

“Jamie, we could try,” Tyler all but pleads. 

He takes a step forwards, but Jamie quickly pulls back to keep the distance between them. Tyler tries to pretend like it doesn’t sting, but he’s never been very good at hiding his emotions when he’s around Jamie. Jamie was always the one person he felt safe enough to express them around. Tyler sees his face soften when he notices Tyler flinch, but he doesn’t move to comfort him. 

“Tyler, you’re not making this any easier,” Jamie says, and it sounds like he’s in pain. 

At least Tyler isn’t on his own, then. At least Jamie is hurting too. Because that had been his biggest fear, honestly. Bigger than the fear of being traded, or being outed, or even being injured. He’d been terrified that Jamie had stopped loving him, that Jamie just didn’t care that they were over. But he could see it written all over his face that Jamie _did_ care, so he couldn’t understand why he was resisting so hard. 

“I wanna hear you say you don’t want me,” Tyler demands.

He folds his arms across his chest and juts out his chin, as if standing strong will somehow make him _feel_ strong. It doesn’t. 

“Tyler, stop.”

“No, Jamie, I don’t get why-“

“Segs. Stop.” 

Jamie is using his captains voice, so Tyler is hardwired to listen, especially considering he’s calling him by his nickname. He takes in a trembling breath, and tries not to cry when he looks Jamie in the eye. 

“We have practice in forty-five minutes. Go home, get changed, and get to the rink. We’re not talking about this again.”

Tyler knows Jamie inside and out, so he knows when it’s a hopeless case. Jamie is definitively _done_ having this conversation, and if Tyler tries to push it’ll just make him snap. 

“Sure thing, Captain.”

Tyler ignores the way Jamie physically _recoils_ when he calls him captain, and instead pushes past where he’s standing the doorway. He leaves the house, and doesn’t even look in his rear view mirror as he drives away. 

*

The next day Tyler arrives at the AAC at the same time that the Leafs bus does. He can’t help but pause and watch as the players make their way off it, searching for Hyman and Nylander. He gets a glance of them, of the way they’re clutching tightly at each other’s hands, but they’re quickly encircled by the rest of their teammates and hidden from Tyler’s line of vision. He’s glad that they have guys like that around them, like the Stars would have been for him and Jamie if it had ever come to that. 

He stops staring when Tavares notices and gives him a glare that would probably bring a lesser man to his knees. And _not_ in the fun way. 

The locker room is as lively as it always is, and Tyler makes his way to his locker to start getting in gear. He wants to look over at Jamie, but he’s too conscious that he’d make how he’s feeling obvious to the team, and the last thing they need going up against one of the best teams in the league is for there to be any kind of tension. He’s not wearing the A on his chest for no reason. 

The music was probably picked by Dobby, and it’s fast and loud, exactly what they need to get them pumped. Tyler is silently mouthing along to the words as he laces his skates, when the music is abruptly cut off. Tyler looks up to see Jamie standing at the front of the room, his hands on his hips and a focused expression on his face. 

“So, I don’t think I need to say this, but I’m gonna say it anyway,” he says. 

He pauses to look around the room and make sure everyone is paying attention. They are, of course, Jamie has the complete respect of every single guy in the locker room. When he talks, everyone shuts up. 

“If any one of you go after Hyman or Nylander more aggressively than you usually would, if you say a _single_ homophobic thing to them, if you target them _at all_ , I _will_ pull you from the game. I don’t care what the score is, I don’t care how good you’re playing, if you fuck with them, you’re out,” he warns, glancing around the room. “We are not those people, and we are not that team. Okay?”

Everyone immediately begins to nod and voice their agreement. Miro and Roope even look slightly terrified. Jamie was right, he hadn’t needed to say it, because of course the guys weren’t gonna say shit, they’d witnessed Tyler and Jamie fall in love, and then break up. But Tyler still respects him for making it clear, because he’s certain that most captains wouldn’t have bothered. 

The next time he looks up from his skates his eyes catch Jamie’s. He can’t be mad at him, not really. He understands the fear, and he knows he was wrong to push Jamie. He’d even texted him an apology the night before. So he smiles softly at him, and tries to ignore the fluttering in his chest when Jamie smiles back. They have a game to play after all. 

It’s painfully obvious to Tyler that Hyman and Nylander and kind of terrified. They both have anxious looks on their faces, and Zach keeps glancing over at Willy to check he’s doing okay. If the dark circles under his eyes were anything to go by, it was Nylander that was taking it the hardest of the two. 

Without even thinking, Tyler begins to skate over to him. He’s not sure what he’s going to say, but he knows he needs to at least say _something_ , if only to alleviate some of the worry he’s clearly feeling. Because let’s face it, William Nylander is way too pretty to be looking that sad. 

He’s barely even stopped in front of him when Hyman skates up to them, discreetly moving so he’s standing in front of Nylander slightly. Tyler couldn’t help but think of Jamie as he did so. 

“Problem?” Hyman asks, glaring at Tyler. 

Tyler can tell that they’re both expecting a confrontation, so he puts his hands up in front of him as if he’s surrendering, and smiles gently. They need to know he’s not a threat. 

“No, no. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, you know, about the pictures. You being outed. That shit isn’t right. And you don’t have to worry, no one here is gonna say anything to either of you, or come after you, or anything,” Tyler says, pausing to look around the arena, “and security is on the look for any fans who start talking shit.”

Because he’d had a quick word with their head of security to make sure no one was going to be spewing any homophobic bullshit at them. General chirps are fine, the Stars and their fans still want to _win,_ but Tyler made it clear that if it got personal they were to be removed.

“Thanks man, we really appreciate it,” Nylander says, holding his hand out for Tyler to shake. 

He’s briefly taken aback by how quickly his whole demeanour changes, but then he smiles and reaches out to shake the hand of #29, then holds his hand out for #11 to shake as well. 

“Yeah, thanks, it means a lot,” Hyman says as he shakes Tyler’s hand.

“No problem,” Tyler says with a smile. 

He’s beginning to skate away when something crosses his mind. He turns back around. 

“The gays have got to stick together,” he says with a wink and a grin, then skates back over to where his guys are warming up. 

His heart is beating as if he’s just done a double shift against Tampa’s top line, because coming out is never easy or fun, even to other gay or bi people. But he figures they’ll feel slightly more comfortable if they know they aren’t the only ones in the league, hell, they aren’t even the only ones in the _arena_. 

*

They lose to the Leafs, but Tyler doesn’t mind the loss as much as he normally would. Willy and Zach deserved the chance to show that being _not straight_ doesn’t change the fact that they’re fucking good at hockey. 

*

He’s watched the video eight times in a row when there’s a knock at his door. He pauses the tv, where SportsNet is showing the video basically every five minutes, and gets up to answer the door. 

Tyler’s surprised to see Jamie on his doorstep, not for any other reason than the fact that it’s normally _Tyler_ showing up at Jamie’s unannounced. 

Fuck, he looks _good_. He’s wearing a soft, grey sweater, and jeans that hug his thighs beautifully, Tyler notices. But really. Jamie always looks good and Tyler always notices, so. Do with _that_ what you will. 

“Hi?” Tyler says, surprised. 

“Hey, can I come in?” Jamie replies. 

“Yeah, course man.”

Tyler walks back into his living room, not bothering to wait for Jamie to follow. They’d practically lived together for eighteen months, it’s not like they’re not familiar with each other’s houses. They’re also way past the point of playing the role of host. 

Tyler is looking for the remote to turn the tv off when Jamie clears his throat. Tyler looks up to see that Jamie’s eyes are trained on the tv, where the video is paused on Zach and Willy, holding hands and grinning. He feels his heart clench a little, knowing that could have been them one day, but now it never will be. He goes to turn it off but Jamie starts to speak. 

“So you’ve seen it then,” Jamie points out. 

Tyler nods, “Yeah.”

“I keep watching it,” Jamie admits, and Tyler whips his head around to look at him. 

It’s not like he’d expected Jamie to _not_ watch it, it was more that he’d figured he would watch it once and then never again. Jamie is...bad, at feelings. And Tyler was certain the second he watched the video that it would absolutely bring out feelings in Jamie. It had made Tyler _cry_ for gods sake. Not because it’s a sad video, but because it’s so happy it actually kind of hurts. 

“Yeah?” Tyler says, because he’s not entirely sure how to respond. 

Jamie nods. “Yeah, it’s. It’s really nice.”

“Yeah, it’s great,” Tyler agrees. 

For the first time since he’d arrived, Tyler notices that Jamie looks nervous. He hates that, because while Jamie is the one person who _can_ make Tyler nervous, Tyler is the one person Jamie _doesn’t_ get nervous around. And he’s always been so proud of that, that Jamie feels most comfortable around Tyler. He misses being Jamie’s safety net. 

“I can’t believe there’s actually an out couple in the NHL,” Jamie says, sounding almost like he’s in awe. 

Tyler gets that, because it’s been almost a week since the picture leaked, but he’s still not wrapped his head around it. Especially now the video is out, the _You Can Play_ video where Zach and Willy confirm their relationship and tell kids, and players across the league, that it’s _okay_. It’s. A lot. 

“I know, it’s so surreal,” Tyler says. 

He sits down on the couch, because Jamie hasn’t, and having them both standing around in Tyler’s living room just feels awkward.

“People are being so good about it, as well,” Jamie muses, still looking at the tv. 

“Yeah, even Don Cherry just said _good for them_ ,” Tyler says, trying to mimic Don’s voice. 

It’s awful but it gets a laugh out Jamie, at least. He turns to finally look at Tyler, and Tyler is taken aback when he realises that there are tears welling in Jamie’s eyes. He’s not sure why, if it was something Tyler had done or not, but he hates it. 

“Jamie, what-“ he goes to say, but Jamie interrupts him. 

“I’m sorry.”

Tyler frowns, “What for? What’s wrong, Jamie?”

“I just, I just _left_ you,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. 

And shit. Tyler doesn’t really know how to make him feel better about that. He _did_ just leave Tyler, right after they’d spent an amazing summer travelling together. And Tyler had somehow convinced himself that it was his own fault. And it had fucking hurt like hell, it _still_ hurts like hell. So Tyler isn’t sure he can make Jamie feel better about this one. 

“Yeah,” he says. 

“I’m _so_ fucking sorry,” Jamie says, his voice cracking. 

“I’m not, I can’t say that it’s _okay_ , but I get it.”

Because Tyler does. Of _course_ he does. It’s not like Jamie was the only one who was terrified of being outed, Tyler was too, he just thought Jamie was worth the risk. And it almost killed him when Jamie ended it, because it proved that he hadn’t thought _Tyler_ was worth the risk. But still. He understood. 

“I love you.”

Tyler chokes. 

“Fuck Jamie, you can’t just _say_ that to me!”

He stands up again, walking forwards until he’s right in Jamie’s face. 

“You can’t fucking leave me, expect me to fucking handle it, then come to my house and tell me you _love_ me! It’s not fair!” Tyler yells. 

And it’s _not_. Hearing Jamie tell him he loves him used to be Tyler’s favourite thing, but hearing it now feels like he’s being fucking boarded. It’s beyond cruel for Jamie to say shit like that to him when he’s not even willing to do anything about it. It means nothing unless they can be together, and Jamie can’t. _Won’t._

“Maybe. Maybe we can have this,” Jamie whispers, his eyes locked on Tyler’s. 

Tyler thinks he stops breathing. 

“What?”

Jamie reaches a hand up and rests it on the side of Tyler’s neck. He wants to push him off, because this is fucking _torture_. But he’s missed having Jamie touch him like this, so much it’s almost embarrassing, so he doesn’t have the strength to push him away. Not when Jamie is looking at him like he’s everything. 

“You were right. Even if we were found out, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal now,” Jamie says, and Tyler is acutely aware of the way his eyes flicker to Tyler’s lips. 

“What are you saying?” Tyler asks breathlessly, because he’s afraid to hope. 

“That I love you, so much. And you’re worth it. Whatever the consequences might be if people find out, you’re worth _all_ of them.”

And fuck, Tyler’s not sure how he’s still standing. Because Jamie has just said everything he’s always dreamed of hearing, and he’s looking at him so softly, and he’s touching him like he’s something precious. And fuck, he loves him _so much._

“Do you mean that?” Tyler asks, his voice trembling. 

Jamie doesn’t answer. Instead he leans down, wraps his free arm around Tyler’s waist, and captures Tyler’s lips in a kiss. 

Tyler thought he had remembered how good kissing Jamie felt. He’d spent so many nights thinking about it that he couldn’t have possibly forgotten. But his memory didn’t do it justice, because Jamie’s lips taste like home and his arms feel like safety. He would be embarrassed by the noises he starts to make if he was with anyone else, but Jamie knows him better than anyone, loves him despite how many times he’s fucked up. And Tyler loves him too, more than he had ever thought was possible back when he was in Boston, lonely and isolated. 

“Jamie,” Tyler whispers against his lips, “you can’t leave again when you get scared, not like last time.”

Jamie shakes his head and grips Tyler impossibly tighter. 

“I’m never leaving you again,” he murmurs as he presses his face into the crook of Tyler’s neck. 

And that’s good enough for Tyler. 

“I love you,” he whispers into Jamie’s hair. 

Tyler doesn’t know how long they stand there for, just holding each other, stealing soft kisses and whispering _I love you’s_ into each other’s skin. It doesn’t matter. They have each other.


End file.
